Rabbi's Teachings

Ta Shema is the Aramaic phrase for "come and learn," which was used in the Talmud to indicate when the rabbis wanted to dive deeper into a text. Come and learn with me!

Click Here for Rabbi Chaya Bender's Bio

Rabbi Elazar said in the name of Rabbi Haninah: Torah scholars increase peace in the world. As it says, ‘All of Your children (בָּנָיִךְ) are students of God; great is the peace of Your children’ (Isaiah 54:13). Read this not בָּנָיִךְ — ‘Your children’ — but rather בּוֹנַיִךְ — ‘Your builders'.” (Berachot 64a)

The past two years, our Hebrew School has grown substantially. We have learners from preschool to high school within our walls. Not only are they learning about their heritage and building lasting relationships, I have found that they are also teachers. 

Our Hebrew High School class has spent the year finding ways to learn through action. One such action is finding ways to “green” BIC—thus living out the principles of Baal Tashchit, not wasting, and Tikkun Olam, fixing the one planet we have. They are inviting adults to join them in hosting an Adama Shabbat, details in our weekly newsletter. Please consider joining these incredible teens on their mission. In doing so, our children truly will be our builders of a brighter, greener future. 

Dear Bnai Israel Congregation Family,

There is a Shabbat tradition to sing zemirot, songs, after a shabbat meal. Before you clean up the meal, or even move on to dessert, the table erupts in songs so that family and friends can stay together a bit longer and sing verses of praise. One such song goes like this:

אַחֵינוּ כָּל בֵּית יִשְׂרָאֵל, הַנְּתוּנִים בְּצָרָה וּבַשִּׁבְיָה, הָעוֹמְדִים בֵּין בַּיָּם וּבֵין בַּיַּבָּשָׁה, הַמָּקוֹם יְרַחֵם עֲלֵיהֶם, וְיוֹצִיאֵם מִצָּרָה לִרְוָחָה, וּמֵאֲפֵלָה לְאוֹרָה, וּמִשִּׁעְבּוּד לִגְאֻלָּה, הַשְׁתָּא בַּעֲגָלָא וּבִזְמַן קָרִיב.

As for our siblings,​ the whole house of Israel, who are given over to trouble or captivity​, whether they abide on the sea or on the dry land: 

May the All-prese​nt have mercy upon them, and bring them forth from trouble to enlargeme​nt, from darkness to light, and from subjectio​n to redemptio​n, now speedily and at a near time. 

It wasn’t until last night that I truly appreciated the full weight of that zemer (song). Before yesterday it, like many of our songs and prophetic writings, referred to some time long ago or a time yet to be seen in the future.

Yesterday, the Jewish people were attacked when, following Shabbat services, an unnamed suspect held four people for almost 12 hours, including Rabbi Charlie Cytron-Walker, at Congregation Beth Israel in Colleyville, Texas. Thanks to law enforcement and the collective prayers of the Jewish people, all four hostages have been released. 

Upon returning safely to his home, Rabbi Cytron-Walker posted on social media:

I am thankful and filled with appreciation for
All of the vigils and prayers and love and support,
All of the law enforcement and first responders who cared for us,
All of the security training that helped save us.
I am grateful for my family.
I am grateful for the CBI Community, the Jewish Community, the Human Community.
I am grateful that we made it out.
I am grateful to be alive.

I urge you all to do as we have done for two thousand years–continue to live Judaism out loud. Do not let those who aim to terrorize us in our holiest places on our holiest days win. I urge you to Show Up for Shabbat.

This Friday night we are installing the new board and celebrating Michelle Bannon for her years of extraordinary service in her position as president. Kava Notes will be offering songs to enhance the evenings. After services we will have a celebratory oneg. 

Show Up for Shabbat–in person or on zoom. Come celebrate as a community so that fear does not keep us from our tradition and each other.

In doing so we can fulfill the words of yet another zemer:

יְהִי שָׁלוֹם בְּחֵילֵךְ שַׁלְוָה בּאַרְמְנוֹתָיךְ.

Peace be within your walls, prosperit​y within your palaces.

B'shalom,
​​​​​​​
Rabbi Chaya Bender

While we already had our Jewish New Year 5782 back in September, we are approaching our secular New Year 2022. It might not be a date of Teshuva, Tefillah, and Tzedakah (Repentance, Prayer, and Charitable giving), but it does still have some spiritual significance.

In Judaism, there is a belief that numbers have spiritual meaning in a practice called Gematria. The number 2022, surprisingly enough, is spiritually significant. 2022 is the value of the letters from Psalms 96:6 added up.

Psalm 96:6:

Glory and majesty are before God;
strength and splendor are in God’s Temple.
הוֹד־וְהָדָ֥ר לְפָנָ֑יו עֹ֥ז וְ֝תִפְאֶ֗רֶת בְּמִקְדָּשֽׁוֹ׃

Psalm 96 is a central part of our liturgy, especially on Friday nights. We sing it as a part of Kabbalat Shabbat. The refrain of verse 11 is perhaps most familiar; Yismekhu HaShamayim v’Tagel Ha’Aretz. Let the heavens rejoice and the earth exult; let the sea and all within it thunder. Psalm 96 reminds us that the power and beauty of God is found not only in God’s Temple, like in verse 6, but also in the earth itself, like in verse 11. May this secular new year be a time where we can reflect on and find the sacred in everything from our Synagogue space to sitting on the beach during this glorious December weather.

May 2022 be a spiritual boost to the heights you reached at the beginning of 5782.

Shabbat Shalom,

Rabbi Chaya Bender

From Our Rabbi

It is traditional to sing Maoz Tzur, Rock of Ages, after lighting the Hanukkah. The lyrics that most of us are familiar with are:

Rock of Ages let our song,
Praise thy saving power;
Thou amidst the raging foes,
Wast our sheltering tower.
Furiously they assailed us,
But Thine arm availed us
And Thy word broke their sword,
When our own strength failed us.
And Thy word broke their sword,
When our own strength failed us.

These lyrics show one aspect of the holiday–the unlikely defeat of the Greek Army by a bunch of shleppers. However, that translation is not a direct interpretation of the Hebrew words. A more direct translation would be this:

O mighty stronghold of my salvation,
to praise You is a delight.
Restore my House of Prayer
and there we will bring a thanksgiving offering.
When You will have prepared the slaughter
for the blaspheming foe,
Then I shall complete with a song of hymn
the rededication of the Altar.

These lyrics tell the same story a little differently. This version is set before the battle with the Greeks and is a request for God to intervene so that the Temple can be restored. After God fulfills God’s promise, then we will go about rededicating the Temple and singing God’s praises.

The lesson: God is on both sides of the miracle. God is in miraculous defeat and God is in the courage to ask for help when taking that first step seems impossible.

Like the Maccabees, this past Sunday we took a huge step in rededicating our sacred space. Congregants of all ages came together to label, sort, break down, and throw away things in our synagogue to make room for more places to “do Jewish." A huge thank you to Jon Alper and Harold Eichenholz for leading Sunday’s cleaning effort, to Nikki and Felice Zeldin for setting up our party afterward, and to all of our volunteers that day. A special thank you to Lloyd Zeldin for all of his cleaning and organizing leading up to Sunday so that we could best focus our efforts. It was especially meaningful to gather around the fully lit menorah at the end of the party. I felt the true meaning of Hanukkah–being able to safely practice Judaism to the fullest extent in a building that we have cared for physically.

Hanukkah may be over, but the party isn’t! I hope to see many people gathered inside our social hall this Sunday at 11:30 for our Neighbors in Conversation brunch, featuring more delicious winter holiday foods. Together with our friends from St. Judes we will continue to explore miracles in our own lives and during this season.

Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Chaya Bender

November and Kislev are off to a good start. Last Sunday, we gathered in holy community with members of MCC for our ongoing program “Neighbors in Conversation.” More on that below.

On Tuesday, November 23 at 7 pm we will again gather on Zoom for an interfaith Thanksgiving program. Interfaith programs can be difficult. There are many faiths with conflicting belief systems. In the extreme, some of these belief systems questions the other faith’s rights to exist.

As a Rabbi, I am passionate about and dedicated to deepening interfaith conversations in order to humanize the other, on the one hand, and become friends and partners in community, on the other hand. Getting to know one another casually is the first step in breaking down the walls that divide us and building new communal fences around us.

On Sunday, Rev. McLaughlin and I both shared three basic tenets of our faith. What stood out the most to me was that our third tenant, completely unplanned, was the same—that everything is God, the good and the bad. This highlighted the importance of coming together, to find those moments we are in agreement, so we can build that first fence post of our lasting relationship.

Of course, another reason I engage in interfaith work is simply because we have many people in our congregation in holy relationships with someone of another faith. The division between “us” and “them” breaks down when you look around the room on Shabbat and see the diversity within our own pews. It breaks down when you look around the table at a family gathering. I hope to see many of you at our next Neighbors in Conversation, December 12, 2021.

Shabbat Shalom,

Rabbi Chaya Bender

Please click this link to read the entire article about the "Neighbors In Conversation" event and "BI Baggers in the News."

Dear Bnai Israel Family,

I am proud to have signed on to the following letter along with so many local interfaith clergy. With the FDA finally approving vaccines for children 5 and older, we are a step closer to out-smarting this virus. As we reread the beginning of the Torah this time of year, we see with new eyes all the ways that our Biblical Ancestors thrived and, more often than not, missed the mark. These stories inspire us to do better. Please share this statement widely with anyone who might be on the fence about the vaccine. 

Shabbat Shalom,

Rabbi Bender

Dear Wilmington area Neighbors,

Grace and peace to you. We are members of Wilmington Faith Leaders United, an interfaith, multi-racial, group of ministerial leaders who seek racial reconciliation, social justice, fellowship, and peacemaking in our community. Though we are of many faiths, there is one common thread that connects all of us: the love and care of our neighbor. That common thread compels us to reach out to you today because our community is in crisis caused by the global pandemic of COVID-19 and its variants.

As faith leaders, we have seen the impact this virus has had on our communities, and how it has altered lives forever. We have buried those who died from COVID. We have seen people lose both parents at the same time to this virus. We have held social distance funerals where loved ones could not be present. We have provided care to those navigating loss of life and/or loss of livelihood. It is devastating, and only by acting together can we make the necessary impact to bring safety and restore wholeness to our community.

We believe that in order to love and care for our neighbor with our full hearts, all who are eligible need to receive the COVID-19 Vaccine and boosters. We do not say “should” or “may,” but need because all our faiths make “love of our neighbor” one, if not the most prominent, display of our faith.

For example:

“Whoever destroys a soul, it is considered as if he destroyed an entire world. And whoever saves a life, it is considered as if he saved an entire world”. -Mishnah Sanhedrin 4:5; Yerushalmi Talmud 4:9

“Do you not see that God has subjected to your use all things in the heavens and on earth, and has made His bounties flow to you in exceeding measure, seen and unseen?”-Qur’an 31:20

“Just then a lawyer stood up to test Jesus. “Teacher,” he said, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?” He said to him, “What is written in the law? What do you read there?” He answered, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself.” And he said to him, “You have given the right answer; do this, and you will live.”- Luke 10:25-28

This is our moment, and this is our time to live into our shared purpose. This is the place for people of all faiths to put the life of our neighbor first, especially knowing that those most vulnerable neighbors are the children. The way to do this is to get the COVID 19 vaccine, so we can protect ourselves and our entire community.

So, if you have not yet received a vaccination, we plead with you to do so. To find a location to receive your free vaccine, please click here:  https://health.nhcgov.com/coronavirus/covid-19-vaccine/

Getting the vaccine may not only save your life - it will help save your neighbor’s life, as well!

• The Rev. Jonathan Conrad, St. Paul’s Lutheran Church, Wilmington
• Rabbi Emily Losben-Ostrov, Temple of Israel
• Rabbi Chaya Bender, Bnai Israel Congregation
• The Rev. John McLaughlin, St. Jude's Metropolitan Community Church 
• Imam Abdul Rahman Shareef
• The Rev. Dr. Clifford Barnett, Warner Temple AME Zion Church
• The Rev. Dan Lewis, First Presbyterian Church
• The Rev. Bill Adams, Fifth Ave United Methodist Church
• The Rev. Shawn Blackwelder, St. Paul’s Utd Methodist Ch, Carolina Bch
• The Rev. Tara Lain, Superintendent of the UMC Harbor Conference
• The Rev. Brad McDowell, First Christian Church of Wilmington
• The Rev. Cheryl M. Walker, Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Wilm
• The Rev. R. G. Elliott, Rector, St. Andrew’s On-the-Sound Episcopal Ch
• The Rev. Aaron Doll, Bethany Presbyterian Church
• The Rev. Dan Keck, Kure Beach Memorial Lutheran Church
• The Rev. Bill Milholland, Lutheran Church of the Reconciliation
• Deacon LeRon Montgomery, Shiloh Missionary Baptist Church
• Rev. Jeff Jones, Covenant Moravian Ch and Water of Life Lutheran
• The Rev. Dr. Nancy Lee Jose
• The Rev. Marty Aden, Director of the Spiritual Care Dept at N Hanover RMC
• The Rev. Michael Megahan, D. Min., Ph.D, St. Paul’s Lutheran Church
• The Rev. Cynthia V. Vaughan
• The Rev. R. Bayley, Interim Pastor, St Andrews-Covenant Presbyterian Ch
• The Rev. Bill Cottingham
• The Rev. Susanne Priddy, Lead Pastor, Wesleyan Chapel UMC
• The Rev. Emile Harley - Winter Park Presbyterian Church
• The Rev. Hannah Vaughan, Retired, Presbyterian of Coastal Carolina
• The Rev. Jason Huebner, St. Peter’s Lutheran Church, Southport
• The Rev. Meg McBride, Hope Recovery Community UMC
• The Rev. C. Eichorn, St. Luke Lutheran Church, Ocean Isle Beach
• The Rev. Thomas O. Nixon, Senior Pastor St. Stephen A.M.E. Church
• The Rev. Chuck Davis Jr., On Time Ministries, Incorporated
• Sr. Rosemary McNamara, SU,UNCW Catholic Student Center
• The Rev. Jody Greenwood, Church of the Servant Episcopal
• The Rev. Elder Janyce Jackson Jones, Unity Fellowship Church Movement -Jurisdiction 3

We did it! We made it through Rosh HaShanah, renewed for a new year. Whether in person, streaming, or a bit of both, 5781 became 5782.

We still heard the sound of the shofar. We still sang out the traditional songs of our holiday, in the sanctuary or on your couch. We still had festive meals, gathered around the dining table with family and friends, a small gathering of just your household, or by yourself with a Sunshine Meal—being held by your community from a distance.

A lot of sacrifices were made this year, and every decision was both a loss and a gain. We had to cancel our Rosh HaShanah dinner. We had to limit seating and restrict attendance to members and vaccinated individuals. Our seats were not able to be filled to allow for social distancing. Many people chose to stream, and we were not able to see their faces or hear their voices. These were losses.

I strongly believe that these losses were outweighed by the gains of keeping our doors open with piece of mind, knowing that the health and safety of our congregation was our priority, and doing our part to reduce the risk of further spreading the virus.

I am done praying for next year to be better. I instead want to experience my gratitude for the present.

I am thankful for this community that has been able to roll with the punches. I am thankful for our staff and volunteers who worked double time to try to arrange honors, seating, and other essential holiday tasks. These tasks are usually daunting, but especially so this year with the ever-changing situation of the Delta variant and individuals going back and forth, for their good reasons, to decide between attending in person versus streaming. I am thankful for every person who showed up and streamed, committing ourselves again to our Bnai Israel family.

As we say goodbye to Rosh HaShanah and hello to Yom Kippur, I offer the following Rosh Hashanah benediction by Rabbi Rachel Barenblat.

Gmar Chatimah Tovah. May we all be sealed in the Book of Life.

Shabbat Shalom,

Rabbi Chaya Bender

Sonnet for our second

COVID Rosh HaShanah

I don't want to reckon with my choices:

feels like that's all we've done for 18 months

(should I mask, is this safe, what if

we meet outside and never breathe together?)

I don't want to query who will live

and who will die, who by wildfire and who

by flooded subway, who intubated and alone

and who will have enough while others lack.

I just want all of us to thrive: our hearts

at ease, our hopes in reach at last.

Come close to me, God. Comfort me with apples.

Remind me the world is born again each year --

even if I'm not ready, even if this year

I'm not sure I know the words to pray.

Last week we announced that we would be recommending mask-wearing again and that we have temporarily stopped serving food after Shabbat services. I will speak for myself when I say it is exhausting and disheartening to be back to this level of caution.

A few weeks ago Emily and I were taking Shlomi regularly to local museums. For now, we are limiting our family time to outdoor adventures only, and we are thankful to live in such a beautiful, outdoor-friendly place. We know science is based on the hypothesis and the evolution of knowledge. As a result of that, masks are back in and indoor spaces are out.

In Sephardic congregations this week, one haftarah and a portion of another are read. It is the third week of consolation when we read from the book of Isaiah chapters 54 and 55. It is also Shabbat Machar HaChodesh—this means that Rosh Chodesh takes places “Machar” or “tomorrow,” meaning the Sunday after Shabbat. Usually, we read the story in 1 Samuel of the intimate relationship between David and Jonathan as they say their goodbyes.

Jonathan’s father, King Saul, despises David, fearing that he will depose him from the throne. Sensing danger, Jonathan told David to hide in the field rather than attend Saul’s Rosh Chodesh feast. In the beginning of the portion, Jonathan says to David, "Tomorrow is the new moon, and you will be remembered, for your seat will be vacant.”

This verse hit differently for me this year. For weeks our seats have been filled with people as we relaxed mask requirements and filled our tables with food and laughter. I do know that some of you will choose to return to Zoom attendance since praying with masks on is hard for some people, as well as over the loss of our communal meals.

The Haftarah from Isaiah that we will read in services tomorrow answers back.

“You shall eat choice foods and enjoy the richest delicacies. Incline your ear and come to Me; Hearken and you shall be revived. And I will make you an everlasting covenant, the enduring loyalty promised to David.”

Isaiah reminds us that David, who was once fearing for his life, had the support of a good friend in his lifetime to get him through. He became king and earned the eternal promise of God’s covenant. The eternal promise of David is that we as the Jewish people will thrive.

So too, we see that today is scary, but we are still in this together. The future is bright, but today we are faced with radical uncertainty. Our haftarahs remind us that we can rely on our traditions and teachings to give us strength.

As for food, I hope to see you outside for our cookout Sunday, August 8^th where we will fill our tables once more, eat choice foods and enjoy the richest delicacies together.

Shabbat Shalom,

Rabbi Bender